your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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