Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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