Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
