Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
