If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
