is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
