I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
