and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
