Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
