it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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