I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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