??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
did i just pee glitter
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
