she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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