It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
