My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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