nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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