I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
