i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
