i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
