I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
