WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
