I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
