Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
