you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
