you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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