He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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