I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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