Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
