he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
