I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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