I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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