this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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