I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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