everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
