I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.