are you still at the devil's house?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
