piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Drunk is not a location!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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