my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
