You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
