absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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