Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
