just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
