so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
