Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
