i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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