YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
