vagina is talking i cant
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
