Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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