apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
