What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
