she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
