you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
