you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
