Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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