out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
