Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
