We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
