life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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