you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The air taste purple.
Randomize
