me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
