just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
