need another drink. this is the easiest way
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
