the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
