One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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