I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
