i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
