I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
