Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
