yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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