I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
