Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
