I need to stop coming to work sober
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
