Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
