you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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