Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
