I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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