All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
