fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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