Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
