Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
