bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
