I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
