i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is wine microwaveable?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
