just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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