He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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