Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We're too hungover to prance.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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