I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
