You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
