Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You are the jesus of drinking
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
